Who am I, what am I, where am I, and what have I done?

Here I am, I stand outside myself, peering in, questioning how swiftly I arrived at this bewildering juncture. Along this tumultuous journey called life, I've encountered moments of profound goodness and instances of regrettable missteps. I've cherished fiercely, only to taste the bitter sting of heartbreak and inflicted wounds upon others as well as wounding myself.

In the fabric of my existence, I've woven threads of truth alongside strands of deception, often deceiving those around me and myself. I've worn masks that weren't mine and put on identities I mistook for my own, ultimately losing sight of who I truly am. Successes have mingled with failures, leaving me grasping for purpose in a sea of uncertainty.

In my quest to evade the undesirable facets of my being, I've realized the futility of escaping oneself. Despite my efforts to forge a new path and shed the shackles of past folly, I find myself adrift, pursued by the shadows of regret that loom over me like a heavy burden, and there is an anger, a bitter root, that has grown in me.

All the trappings of worldly pleasures—sex, drugs, wealth—have failed to quench the insatiable thirst for fulfillment within me. Love sought in others has left me drained, a hollow vessel yearning for fulfillment, hungering to be filled, desperate for anything that might breathe life into my weary spirit. I am tired, worn down by the weight of my transgressions, grappling with a profound sense of fatigue and confusion. In the depths of my despair, I crave one thing above all: to feel alive. I don't want to live forever; "I just want to live while I am here."

Yet, as I tread further into the darkness that engulfs me, I find myself questioning who, if anyone, can offer solace amidst this wilderness. Who will extend a hand to pull me from the depths of despair? Who would even deem me worthy of salvation? Can't you see, "I am blinded," blinded by the world, its temptations, and my pain?

I refuse to seek refuge in the notion of a divine being, for how could a god allow me to endure such suffering? If a god existed, why would He remain hidden from my desperate pleas for guidance and redemption? And even if, by some miracle, a god were to reveal himself to me, surely he would recoil in horror at the depths of my depravity.

I am adrift, homeless within my existence, yearning for a place to belong. If only someone could illuminate the path where I belong, a place I am accepted, a place to find redemption.

The Answer

My child, I am sorrowed by your pain and heartache. I've poured my heart and soul into reaching you, desperately trying to catch your gaze, but you've never glanced my way. How I long to speak to you in the quiet of your heart, but your ears are drawn away by all the noise of this world. "I'm sorry that in your distress, you have yet to see that all you need is me. Oh, how I've longed to give myself to you."

I gave you freedom; I set you free because that is how you wanted it to be. I never wished for your departure, but I understood it was necessary. You needed to see what life without me could be.

No matter how far you've strayed, how deep you have fallen, my child, all I desire is to have you here with me. Of all my creations, you are the most important thing to me.

Remember, life isn't about how you start or where you are now; it's about how you want to end it. Let me help you; together, you will find your way. All your regrets will turn into road bumps that have led you to me. Your pain will become my burden, your joy my pleasure.

 My child, come home and rest in me and never feel homeless again.

Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. ~ Psalm 23:6"